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SPLENDID ENCOURAGES FLAKY TO KILL HERSELF WHILE TRYING TO SELL NIRVANA "NEVERMIND" CDS ON SHOPPING NETWORK!!!
In the CD Shopping Network, we are at a program where Flaky is selling Nirvana's "Nevermind" album Flaky: Lemme... lemme set the stage for you here: you're going to that seniors' cocktail party? It's bingo night and you're looking for something to play on the speakers? How about their song Come As You Are? This is-oh! We got a caller already on this one! Hello sir, you must be a fan of- Splendid: Hi! I'm Splendid from Happy Tree Friends, and I'm calling in to say that you should kill yourself. Flaky: Excuse me? Splendid: I said, you should kill yourself? What you do is sort of, unjustifiable? And you know it's unjustifiable? And you don't care? You're the definition of evil? Kill yourself? Flaky: Okay, we're gonna sell the album for just $10. Will that work? Splendid: I just read that you have a sick obsession with Kurt Cobain and the Nirvana band? And ever since you appeared on the Steve Wilkos Show, you've been using this program as an outlet to continue your love for the band as well as to exploit 90s kids and Gen X people? Kill yourself. Flaky: Alright, well you shouldn't say things like that because... I sure might up go and do it, and then you'd feel really bad. Splendid: No I wouldn't. Flaky: Yes you would! Splendid: No, because I really want you to kill yourself. Flaky: Alright, well how about this?! If I go home tonight and blow my brains out, you might be liable. That's a lawsuit and involuntary manslaughter charge worth ...2.7 million dollars and at least 12 months in prison plus probation and fines? How's that sound? Splendid: I don't care what happens to me, I care about the Nirvana fans and the Gen X people, you morally empty corrupted bitch! Flaky: Alright, I tell you what: I'll bring the lawsuit down to twenty-nine thirty-nine- Splendid: Nono, uh it doesn't matter what price you put on anything! Your only chance to right the wrongs you've done, and repay the Nirvana fans/Gen X people you've screwed over, the musician whose legacy is now tarnished, and the man who was trying to help you, but ended up making him look like a jackass, is if you kill yourself. Flaky: Well, you think it's funny, but that's, that's calling up and telling someone to kill themselves; that's not a joke. You sound like a teenager trying to be cool and edgy. Splendid: I'm dead serious... do it... A few days later... Flaky: Folks, if you call right now, you will get a bundle of not only the Nevermind ''album, but also with ''In Utero ''and this really cool blue Nirvana shirt! and we got-oh, do we have a buyer on the line? Hello? AVGN: What are you waiting for, asshole? Kill yourself! Flaky: Alright Goddamnit, we got another comedian. Ever since that Splendid guy called up, now everybody wants to call and tell me I should kill myself, and we haven't been getting any sales done! AVGN: He was right! I'm Gen X and I find your ways ass! Flaky: Folks, this is an 800 number. Every time you call and tell me to kill myself, it's costing us... two dollars and thirty six cents! So now, how about a caller who wants to buy Nirvana merch? Yes. Hello? Beyonce: What's the matter? You're too afraid to do it? Flaky: Goddamnit I'm not scared to do it. Beyonce: Yes you are! Now middle fingers up! Put them hands high! Wave it in her face! Tell her, girl, bye! 'Flaky hangs up the phone, and goes to another caller' Edmond: Hello! I'm calling about the Nirvana shirt? Flaky: Yes sir? Edmond: It looks good. Flaky: Why tha- Edmond: It will especially look good on your dead body after you kill yourself. Which is what you should do. Flaky: GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT?!?! I'VE HAD IT!!! I'M BEING HARASSED TO KILL MYSELF AND I CAN'T STAND IT!!! YOU SEE THIS?!?! YOU SEE THIS SHIT?!?! I GOT A GUN!!! I WILL BLOW MY FUCKING BRAINS OUT IN FRONT OF NATIONAL TV!!! IS THAT WHAT YOU FUCKERS WANT?!?! Edmond: Well what are you waiting for? Put it against your temple and pull the trigger! 'Long pause. The gun is cocked and then goes off. A thump is heard and blood lands all over the set. ''Something In The Way plays on''''' Category:Fanfic Category:Creepypasta Category:Deaths Category:Suicides Category:Disasters